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The Madwoman Upstairs
writing in vain
BtVS; B/G "Introductions" 2/2 Rated T/PG-13 
16th-Jan-2006 03:10 am
House 1
Title: Introductions
Rating: T
Pairing: B/G
Summary: Buffy has the worst first day of school ever. And she blames it all on the sexy English librarian.
Warnings: Run-on sentences, fragments, unbetaed.
AN: Your feedback comments at work. :) God, I'm such a 'ho. Oh, and people might be interested to know that 97% of the dialogue in this fic comes verbatim from the actual first episode of BtVS. That's right folks: I barely had to change a thing. Makes you wonder, doesn't it? ;D
Word Count: 2089

ETA: The transcript I used for the dialogue is from the buffy-vs-angel site. They totally rock.

“Oh great,” Buffy muttered as she stared, totally bummed out, at the dead body with two distinct puncture marks in his neck. One day, she told herself, she was gonna have to get therapy because it just wasn’t normal for girl to be disappointed by the way a person died rather than the fact they actually did die. Right now though, she had a librarian to see.

Quickly covering up the body and slipping away from the locker room, she hurried for the library, actually feeling her blood pressure go up with each step. She was vaguely aware of students practically jumping out of her way as she went down the hallway but really couldn’t care less. Sexy or not, someone was so gonna pay for ruining her first day of school.

Buffy scowled furiously. This totally sucked! Why her, why now? It was her first day of school! If crazy crap had to happen, couldn’t it have waited for even just one day? Just one damn day? God, once she gets her hands on—

She shoved the library doors open. “Okay, what’s the sitch?”

Giles was casually leaning against one of the stacks, reading a book. “What?” he asked, not even bothering to look up. The bastard.

“You heard about the dead guy, right? The dead guy in the locker?”

“Yeah,” he said, and turned a page. The bastard.

Now completely beyond pissed off, Buffy flung her bag on the study table and stomped up the stairs. “’Cause it’s the weirdest thing. He’s got two little, little holes in his neck, and all his blood’s been drained.” Reaching him, she grabbed his stupid book and threw it over the railing. It landed with a loud thump and finally he looked at her. Buffy widened her eyes in mock fear. “Well, isn’t that bizarre? Aren’t you just going, ooo?”

Giles blinked once, then said, “hm, I was afraid of this,” before going around her and heading down the stairs, like it was no big deal that her new school was apparently infested with vampires! Stunned by his attitude, Buffy stood there gaping for a moment before going after him.

“Well I wasn’t!” Buffy exclaimed, catching up to him and physically hauling him around to face her. “Are you listening to me? It’s my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all my classes, that I wouldn’t make any friends, that I would have last month’s hair. I didn’t think there’d be vampires on campus”—yes, she knew that she sounded like a complete airhead but did she care?—“and I don’t care!” She crossed her arms. There. See? This is Buffy, not caring.

She glared up at the stupid librarian, who was still taller than her even though he stood on a lower step on the stairs. Irrationally, this just made her even angrier. Tall people. Grrr.

Giles, after a moment of studying Buffy’s angry face, smirked. Buffy blinked, confused, and then he leaned towards her until his face was so close she could probably count the little lines that bracketed his eyes, which were, incidentally, really, really green and staring right at her own really, really wide ones.


“Then why are you here?” he asked, his voice quiet and rough, mocking her.

Suddenly all of Buffy’s anger vibe became a vibe of a completely different sort and her breath caught in a silent gasp. She stared up at him, whispered, “to tell you that…” oh my god you’re so sexy “I don’t care, which…” is totally crazy since I’ve never found older guys sexy before “I don’t, and…” you smoke! I’m a Californian—I’m not supposed to find smoke-breath sexy! “have now told you, so..” now I totally need a cold shower “bye…” leave! I have to leave now before I do something stupid!

She didn’t move a muscle. Couldn’t.

Buffy realized that her mouth was slightly open, her breaths coming short and shallow. She was painfully aware of Giles’ heavy lidded eyes on hers and when she licked her lips nervously she saw them flicker down then return to stare right back at her, a darker green than before. She saw him lean slowly some more and oh my god they were going to—

A loud clatter from outside immediately followed by what sounded like Cordelia shouting shattered the silence and Buffy, startled, stumbled back, her face flushed and her body feeling hot. She stared, horrified, at Giles who was now casually leaning against the railing, cool as ice. She wanted to say something, anything, but didn’t know what so she just ducked her head and rushed past him, hurrying down the stairs. She’d just reached the landing when he spoke.

“Will he rise again?” His voice was bland, like he wasn’t just about to kiss her one minute ago.

Flustered by his tone more than anything else, Buffy turned around. “Who?”

Giles rolled his eyes. “Jesus of Nazareth. The boy, of course, who do you think?”

And then everything rushed back to Buffy: the dead body, vampires, ruined life, no friends. All sexy thoughts effectively squashed, she scowled at Giles. “No. He’s just dead.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

Buffy glared, insulted. Did he think she was a moron? “To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood,” she recited, her voice a mocking sing-song, “and then you have to suck their blood. It’s like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they’re just gonna kill you.” Then she shook her head, confused. “Why am I still talking to you?”

Turning away again, she walked over to the table to grab her bag. She was halfway to the doors before Giles, still on the stairs, drawled, “you really have no idea what’s going on, do you?” His didn’t raise his voice but Buffy could still hear every word clearly. Obviously the man has had voice lessons. “You think it’s a coincidence, your being here? The boy was just the beginning.”

She didn’t bother turning around. “Oh, why can’t you people just leave me alone?” she groaned. God, all she wanted was to have a normal life; was that too much to ask? No vampires, no corpses, and no—well, maybe she can live with the sexy English librarian. That is, if he wasn’t a freakin’ Watcher!

Buffy heard Giles come down the stairs and closed her eyes, exasperated. “Because you are the Slayer. Into each generation a Slayer is born,” he intoned and oh no, phone sex voice or not if he started on the stupid spiel about being the ‘Chosen One’ she was gonna hit him. She honestly will. “And I really hate the whole pretentious speech that starts with that,” he continued, and how is it that she can actually hear him smirk, “so I’m gonna skip to the part where I ask what’s your problem since it isn’t as if you haven’t slain vampires before.”

Buffy opened her eyes to find him behind the circulation desk, looking as though it shouldn’t be such a big deal for her to completely give up her life to fight the undead. She glared. Maybe she will hit him, anyway. “Yeah, and I’ve both been there and done that, and I’m moving on.”

He ignored her and went inside a small office. “What do you know about this town?” he asked, his voice becoming brisk and businesslike.

“It’s two hours on the freeway from Neiman Marcus?”

“And three from a decent bar.” Giles came back out, carrying four very heavy looking books. Buffy couldn’t help but notice he didn’t seem to have any trouble with the weight. “But what I actually meant is that there’s been a steady stream of weird shit that’s happened in this place throughout its history. This whole area is probably a center of mystical energy that naturally attracts evil.”

“Like vampires,” Buffy said, a little inanely, she realized, but that wasn’t her fault since her brain was still trying to wrap around the idea that Giles’ accent can make even the hokiest things sound sexy, like ‘center of mystical energy.’

“And zombies, werewolves… incubi, succubi,” he drawled, punctuating each word by placing a book onto the countertop and smirking at the last two.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Okay, first of all, I’m a Vampire Slayer. And second, I’m retired. Hey, I know!” she exclaimed, giving him an arch look, “why don’t you kill ‘em?”

“I’m just a lowly Watcher,” Giles said soulfully, putting a hand on his chest, “I haven’t the skill—“

“Oh, come on, stake through the heart, a little sunlight… It’s like fall off a log.” Buffy frowned pointedly, refusing to be amused or charmed.

“Well, it’s also not in the job description. A Slayer slays and a Watcher…”

She quirked an eyebrow, “…watches?”

He grinned naughtily, “exactly.” Buffy bit her lip; I’m not gonna smile, I’m not gonna smile. “He also trains her,” Giles continued, “he prepares her—“

Which was the absolute worst thing he could have said. All of Buffy’s pent up frustration since she became the Slayer returned full force and she sneered, “prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of my friends? For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them? Go ahead! Prepare me.”

She watched as Giles’ face blanked completely and felt vindicated. After taking one last scornful look at him, she turned and left the library. She was already striding down the hallway when a large hand—god, she didn’t even have to turn around to see who it was—grabbed her arm and pushed her away from the hallway traffic and against a wall. And of course her stupid girl hormones perked up and took notice, but since she was still riding the angry wave of righteous indignation, the urge to blush and shiver was pretty easy to ignore. Instead, she rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.

“It’s getting worse,” he whispered furiously and even though Buffy was extremely pissed off, she did notice how different Giles was now from the way he was in the library. It probably meant that he was serious this time, but she… didn’t… care.

“What’s getting worse?” she asked, shooting him an exasperated look.

He crowded her some more and now Buffy started to get worried. She blushed. Didn’t he realize this was the school hallway and students and teachers were just walking by?

“The influx of the undead,” he said in a low voice that she refused to listen to because hello! hallway!, “the supernatural occurrences, it’s been building for years. There’s a bloody reason why you’re here now.”

Buffy blew out a breath, “because now is the time my mom moved here.” She moved get away but suddenly an arm was in front of her face. She can’t believe this! People were starting to stare! Did the man want to be fired or something?

He leaned closer, getting so far into her personal space she wasn’t sure even the ‘well, he’s English’ excuse was gonna cut it. At the end of the hallway she saw Principal Flutie look at them, start to turn away, pause, then slowly look back, an expression of utter disbelief on his face. Wonderful. So: dead body, vampires, no friends, and a sexual harassment suit all on her first day of school. God, her mom was gonna incinerate her, if only for that very last one.

“Something is coming, something evil… something is going to happen here, soon!” Giles said ominously. Buffy stared, resigned, as Flutie began walking purposely towards them.

“You got that right,” she sighed.

“The signs, as far as I an tell, point to a crucial mystical upheaval, very soon. Days. Possibly less.”

“Oh? Try right now,” Buffy said just as Flutie cleared his throat loudly right behind Giles.

Giles spun around and faced Flutie with—Buffy could tell just by the way the shorter man drew back in shock—that super-intense look still in his eyes. But thankfully, just before the principal could say anything, the bell rang and she hightailed it out of there without another word. One trip to the principal’s office a day is her quota, so Giles could damn well better take care of this.

Buffy hurried down the hallway, and definitely saw at least one bitca look at her like she was some kind of ‘ho. She groaned; god, was it too early to skip class?
16th-Jan-2006 12:16 pm (UTC)
Makes you wonder, doesn't it? ;D
Hell yes. ;)

You are doing two at once! I thought you were. Well, all i can say is yay that and well done, and keep going. Hurrah for Buffy/Giles of epic proportions.
16th-Jan-2006 04:05 pm (UTC)
Well, I really wasn't originally planning on wriiting any more on this... but like I said, I'm a total 'ho for the comments. Lol. Three people were like, 'hmm, this isn't crap, I'd maybe like more' and I was like, 'oh oh yay sure!'

16th-Jan-2006 02:07 pm (UTC)
16th-Jan-2006 04:01 pm (UTC)
Er... eep!

Uhm, maybe? Ehehehe.
16th-Jan-2006 03:17 pm (UTC) - yippee!
"...because hello! hallway!" teehee. And I am really psyched about your Regency story. Thank you for writing for all of us lurkers. We are very, very grateful.
16th-Jan-2006 03:54 pm (UTC) - Re: yippee!
*gasps* Lurkers, there are lurkers here? *looks around* Oh wow, dude, just last week I was one!

Oh wait--I pretty much still am. (Well, except for the B/G community.) :D

And I have to tell you, I was giggling myself when I wrote that line, which I think just totally established my utter dorkiness.
16th-Jan-2006 08:22 pm (UTC)
I agree, you should do more. Nice work:)
16th-Jan-2006 11:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks :) Er, I'm actually writing "more" right now. God this fandom is killing me. Literally.
16th-Jan-2006 10:41 pm (UTC)
Makes you wonder, indeed!
Love this, thanks for sharing!!
16th-Jan-2006 11:33 pm (UTC)
You're welcome! :)
17th-Jan-2006 02:41 am (UTC)
VERY nice job. I hope you do write more ;-)
17th-Jan-2006 03:39 am (UTC)
Oh I will... but whether or not "more" will be to everyone's tastes... well. ;)
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